Two Lives, One Paradox
by KomettKami
Summary: Blue Beetle needs to forgive himself for nothing more than feelings.


The world was safe for the moment. The life of a hero means that that word only holds meaning for short periods of time, but Jaime should enjoy it while he can. So why wasn't he? Did he want to be the planet's dictator? Of course not. The future was safe. It was time to relax. Jaime was lost in thought until his phone began to ring. The name was the same one as always. He wanted to know if anyone else cared about him. Well actually no he didn't. He was happy that the only one he wanted to talk to always called him, and he always called first. Bart Allen's name popped up. The smile that he wore in his contact image warmed Jaime's heart. He liked to let the phone ring for a few moments before he answered it. Bart was so impatient, and Jaime would often giggle when Bart would "explode" at Jaime for not answering. It was weird to Jaime that the only time that he would smile was when he was talking to Bart. The red head for whatever reason was having that effect on him. He picked up his phone, and began to converse with Bart. The two really spoke about nothing. Jaime could never remember the topics of conversation. All he could remember was the sounds of Bart's voice. He could remember the high pitch tone when Bart said something silly. He remembered the laughter. He remembered the semi-anger that Bart would produce when he realized that Jaime was not listening. But Jaime was listening. Not to the conversation, but the sounds that Bart made.

After the phone call was done, Jamie exhaled. He didn't even realize that he was holding his breath until they were done talking. He then took his shirt off and fell on his bed. He was just gazing at his ceiling. There was no reason to look anywhere else. Then he did. He took out his phone went in his photos and looked. He and Bart had previously went to an amusement park. Since none of those existed in the future, Jaime got to witness Bart's amazement. The two literally went on every ride that day. They ate everything, and took as many pictures imaginable. Jaime's smile grew more and more with each picture. He loved them all. He was full of bliss.

Then Jaime's phone rang yet again. This time the call was not from Bart, but from Bumblebee. It seemed like there was a villain in Jaime's area. It was time to be a hero.

Jaime appeared at the bank where Dr. Light was robbing. A new villain to Jaime, but as the new Blue Beetle he knew that he could defeat him. He did not even need the help of Batgirl. Still she decided to show up. Things just were awkward between them. Every time they were around each other he felt it. And he knew that it was his fault. Dr. Light was anything but hard to defeat. The two took him out faster than they got there; which is sad on his behalf since Jaime lives like two blocks away. As the cops arrived Batgirl approached Blue Beetle. She said, "Blue Beetle, I know that things have been awkward between us, and I do not know why. You do not have to tell me. At least tell Black Canary. She can definitely help you."

When Jaime got home he sat on his bed. He had just defeated a villain. So why wasn't he happy? Batgirl's words echoed in his mind, more like screamed. He knew that she was right. He picked up his phone to call. The phone rang twice, and then he hung up. He must have done this twelve times per hour. He just sat at his bed for hours just staring at his phone. He wanted to wonder what he was waiting for, but he couldn't fool himself. He wanted Bart to call him. His phone rang, but it wasn't Bart. This time it was Black Canary.

"Jaime, I know that something is on your mind. I got each call. I was just going to let you make it. I finally realized that I would have to do it."

"What no," Jaime screeched, "It was a misdial."

"Jaime, people don't misdial that many times. Would you like to talk in person?"

He sat there for a few minutes. He wondered why she didn't hang up. He finally spoke, "Yes."

Jaime was not ready, for what he was about to tell Dinah. But he knew that he could no longer keep it inside of him. Everything had to come out, eventually. He knew for a fact that he would never be ready, but he could be brave. He had to be brave.

He walked into Black Canary's office. It was beyond a professional place. She had pictures of her and Green Arrow everywhere. Her desk had a class canary on it, and a chair in front of it. The Black Canary sat in her chair with that caring smile. If anyone could help him, it was her. There was something that made her so comforting. Her fighting however gave the opposite effect. She could easily take out any MMA fighter that he has ever seen. She was so welcoming though as she said, "Now Jaime, come sit and tell me what is bothering you. You sounded very distraught."

Jaime gasped. He was obviously nervous. His throat was dry and his eyes were a little wet. He was shaking. She was very concerned. She was going to ask what was wrong until he asked, "Can I tell you the story?"

Dinah was relieved that he started to speak to her. She imagined that the past events were what he needed to speak about, but she was not going to jump to conclusion. "Of course, Jaime, I am here for you. Tell me whatever you need to tell me, and then some. Tell me what you want to tell me. Tell me what is wrong."

He sat down. Not because he wanted to, but because his knees were about to give up on him. So before he fell, he sat. He began to talk, "Well, it all happened when Bart came for me. The day that The Reach had me in that tube and I heard them talking about killing me. Well Bart came and saved me. But you knew all of that. I looked at him differently. He really went there and risked his life for me. I know his orders were not to save me, but he still did. Then when he told me what I was "destined" to do him, saving me made less sense. Let them kill me it would have made his job easier. No matter how many times we were in trouble he kept his eyes on me. No one ever did that. He made sure I was safe. He became the actual reason I was alive. I felt like I mattered. I always thought that family members were the only ones that could make me feel that way. Never did it come to my mind that a friend could do that. He became my best friend. At least that is what I thought. Anyway I didn't realize it until Khaji Da almost killed him. My body was heading for him, and I could not stop it. The Reach told me the first kill was always the hardest, but it is not the fact that I did not want to kill anyway, I mean I didn't but in the back of mind I was screaming. Not a 'no scream', but a 'not him scream'. Honestly, I didn't want anyone to die, but if it came down to it I preferred that I'd kill Batgirl instead of Bart. I almost said it too. I was walking to him with both blades out ready for the kill. And I was going to scream "Kill her please not him!" Thank god Rocket and Zatanna came.

Dinah's jaw dropped. As a therapist it was completely unprofessional, but as heroine she was astonished. He had seen the expression on her face, and he wanted to just walk out at that very moment. But he started this conversation, it needed to continue. He needed for all of it to just to be said.

Black Canary was sitting there. Yes, that expression on her face said some things, but she quickly got rid of it. She got back to her professional job. She needed to know why he thought that way. As far as she knew Batgirl was his friend too. So why desire to kill her rather than Bart. She needed to know more. How else was she supposed to fix a problem if she did not know the whole story? "There must be more to the story. Please continue, Jaime."

Blue Beetle was wondering if he was in too deep. Of course he was, but he was there. He was digging his grave and six feet deep, for him, was not enough. He continued, "Y'know with him everything is just so confusing. He came to save everyone, but instead he saved me. I just don't understand. Everyone is safe now though, at least from me. Why is he still here? I mean the future was saved. Shouldn't he disappear or something. He's a paradox, and he shouldn't be here. What is it? How is he here? And why do I feel like this? When he calls my name I feel every good emotion there is, and when he leaves I feel every bad one."

It was at that moment Dinah realized the issue. She should have known from the start. She said, "Zatanna made a charm. It allows him to stay. And as far as the other stuff, Jamie, I think you may have strong feelings for Bart.

"But I'm not gay," Jamie stated. He was confused as to why Dinah would say such a thing. Jaime does not like guys. He likes girls, right?

Black Canary smiled, "Gay is a word, no, a label that people use as a categorization. Love has no categories. Jaime, according to society's labels you are at least bi-curious, but honestly none of that matters. They are just labels. You need not concern yourself with things so trivial like them. You just need to understand yourself."

Jaime had absolutely nothing to say. Even if he did he could not vocalize it. He was finally able to speak, "Yes, it does matter. In fact it's wrong. I'm wrong. I shouldn't feel like this. I would rather kill the entire planet, before I even harm him. That moment we were on that ship, and I knocked him unconscious was the worst moment in my life. If I had killed him, I might have killed myself next, because I don't know. Things are just complicated with him around here. Maybe if he wasn't here I could stop. Maybe this feeling would go away. The Scarab was constantly telling me that killing Bart was the only option. But I'm not going to do it," Jaime sat there. He slouched down his face in his hands. He started to cry. And then he screamed, "I WANT BART ALLEN GONE!"

At that moment Bart walked by the door. He had run away as far as he could from that room. He ran all the way to his grandparents' house, and to his room. After that he cried and he cried. Barry came in to comfort his grandson, "Bart what is wrong?"

"I heard Jaime scream that he wants me gone."

Barry jumped back. He didn't know what to say. He knew that there was something between the two, and he couldn't be more supportive if he tried. Still this was something that he had zero knowledge of what to do.

"Grandpa, please tell me what to do. I was planning on telling him today. I was going to tell him how much I love him. Grandpa, I love him so much. Why, why, why doesn't he love me back? What did I do?"

Bart was in tears. He cried himself a headache.

"I am sure that there was more to it than you heard. I have seen the way he looks at you. The way he knocks at the door. I swear he is beyond nervous every time I see him."

"No. He hates me!" Bart yelled this over and over until he ran outside. Barry ran after him, but when he ran out there. He saw Bart lift his hand. There was something in it. Then he heard it crack.

"Jaime, you don't mean that," Dinah said in the most comforting voice.

Jaime let out a sigh, "You're right I don't mean it. But I want to, honestly. You really don't understand how much I want to mean it. I mean what would my mom think if I had feeling for another boy. What would he think? Imagine me one day I just went up to him and said: I love you. I know for a fact that he does not think of me in that way. He likes girls. I should like girls. He would never want to speak to me ever again. Hey maybe I could go to Zatanna, and I could ask her to get rid of that charm. Then he'd disappear, and I'd forget all about him. Great idea, right?

Black Canary shook her head. "No, it really isn't. One you are a that is murder. Two he should make that decision. Three it's wrong."

Khaji Da spoke in the back of Jaime's mind, "Do not listen to the woman! If you wish to kill the Kid Flash, do so."

Blue Beetle rolled his eyes as he heard the voice. "Why is it that you always want me to kill someone?"

Black Canary just stared at him in a bit of confusion. "Actually, I am telling you to do the exact opposite."

Blue Beetle jumped up and waved his hands a bit in panic. "No, not you, the scarab. It told me to ignore you and kill him. It has grown, but killing is still its first idea to solve a problem. The other day he told me to kill my sister, because she used all of the hot water in the shower. Y'know what I am going to tell him."

Black Canary smiled and said, "That is the best idea."

Blue Beetle was nervously happy as he left. As he was halfway out the room he said, "Thank you!"

Black Canary giggled and responded, "Anytime."

Jaime hugged the life out of her and ran out of the room. He made his way to the Allen household after he went to the store to get some chicken. This time he was planning on sharing. When he got to their house he saw Bart standing there with his hand held high. Then he crushed something.

Jaime was wondering what he was doing there. Why was he standing in front of the Allen household with a bag of snacks? He looked up and saw Barry Allen. The two both seemed so confused. He then looked at the bag, and felt empty. He began to cry, but didn't know why. He was just there. "Something is missing," he said as he turned around and left.


End file.
